“There was only one lesson, and that was Lesson 25.”
These are some issues with the 40 International Drum Rudiments, that have been irking me for a long time, largely phrased in the second person, for some reason. They could be considered minor by “some”— at any rate perhaps not quite as substantive as my complaints in this post from 2020. Let’s air all the grievances.
So:
Single stroke four
Bastard rudiment.
Single stroke seven
Where’d you come from? Four decides it’s a rudiment, and you had to “get some of that action?” Five and nine are over there shaking their heads going he always does this, it’s sad.
Drag
Name is an engraved invitation to do it wrong. We could have cured cancer in all the time we wasted correcting 11 year olds trying to drag the stick across the head. Engineered a functioning monorail. Anyway, you are a ruff.
Single/double drag tap
If skim milk were a rudiment. If these were a gas they’d be nitrogen. Not enough going on to arouse any emotion whatsoever.
Greater than 9 stroke rolls
OMG, shut UP.
Flam Accent
Formerly a flam accent #1, we have taken away the #1 to divert attention from the existence of a flam accent #2, which is just swing flam taps, the acknowledgment of which would reveal the secret reality that this is all just hokum for playing marches in a vaudeville band, and we’re trying to pretend we’re cool.
Lesson 25
WHAT DO YOU DO??? This has no reason to exist.
Paradiddle
Loyalty test, if a student agrees to call something by a name this stupid, and doesn’t immediately walk out of the lesson, then they can participate in our cult.
Triple paradiddle
Nobody cares, leave me alone. New rule, in fact, maximum number of notes for any rudiment is now seven. Go away.
Flammed Mill/Windmill
More skim milk. If it were a food additive it would be gum arabic. Like, let’s all move to the suburbs.
Swiss Triplet
For the weak. Play a flam accent #1, you prissant.
Flamadiddle
A lie expressed in rudiment form. Follow the grace note.
Dragadiddle / Drag Paradiddle 1 and 2
Listen, why don’t you three go gather your thoughts, and figure out what you are and what you’re going to call yourselves, and get back to me when you have a reason exist, say, in a couple of decades.
Triple ratamacue
If striped pantaloons were a rudiment. Like, where’s the bulb horn? Somebody tried to one-up the flamacue, like let’s do that, but omg even more awesome, and gave us this ridiculously named thing.
Pataflafla
Rename yourself something that doesn’t sound wrong, please. Flaflapata was right there if you were dead set on those syllables.
It’s food for thought. For more of this level of reading, you may also(?) enjoy my cymbal size vibe war post, and my tom tom sizes rated post.
I am happy to help you with any of the materials on the site, and with anything else drumming related— contact me for private lessons, online world wide, or in person in Portland, Oregon. All levels of players, and all people, are welcome.
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